Let’s Talk About Self Harm
Today self harm is heavy on my mind as a therapist and a mother. Mental Health continues to be misunderstood in our society, and self harm is high on the list of missed concepts. Self harm is intentional harm to oneself that alleviates pain and suffering that is emotional or psychological. Clients often describe this pain as cathartic and/or a release that allows them momentary and temporary freedom from their struggles. This is a maladaptive and unhealthy coping skill, but often is not rooted in suicidality. Just because someone self harms, doesn't necessarily mean that they want to die or will end their own life. It DOES mean that they are struggling with their mental health, and are in need of help in order for their emotional and psychological state to improve. Often times, if help and support is not given, suicidal thoughts, attempts and even completion is possible. Studies have shown that people who self harm are MORE at risk for suicide. I notice as a therapist that this is becoming more common and more severe. It is modeled in movies, on social media, and talked about among kids and teens. If you think your child isn't exposed to it, think again.
Why do I bring this up today? Over the years as a therapist I have heard teens talk about self harm freely, yet no one in their family had any clue that this was taking place. Sometimes as parents we miss the signs that our children are struggling. We don't notice the masks that they wear and how they utilize humor, perfectionism, socializing, and staying busy to appear "happy" or put together. Unfortunately, functionality is not always an indicator of being mentally well. It's important to know that this can happen to anyone, at any age, but usually starts in the pre teen and teenage years. These kiddos are overwhelmed and often don't have many tools to use to healthily cope with whatever is coming their way. It is our job as parents to know what our children are struggling with, speak to them and allow them safe spaces to open up about anything they need to air out and process. It's essential that we TEACH them how to cope and MODEL for them appropriate ways of doing and getting through hard things. Explore hobbies with them, go sit outside, check their phones and tablets and check for self harm. Have difficult conversations and show vulnerability so that they can reciprocate. These tools will last throughout their lifetime, we are either setting them up for success or failure, it's your choice. It's our responsibility to help them through difficult times, not just assume they are fine based on what we see. Again, sometimes there are signs of struggle, sometimes there aren't. Look closer, bond, get closer, their lives depend on it.
Mental Health Matters
