Domestic Violence Awareness
In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it's important to remember HOW to support someone who is currently living with an abusive partner. Often we think we know what's best for someone, but in reality, we never fully know what's happening behind closed doors, and how much danger someone is in. Victims of domestic violence are consistently misunderstood and given words of encouragement that are, more often than not, hurtful rather than helpful. I always say, if you haven't personally experienced domestic violence, be cautious of how to approach someone and be kind with your words because you won't be able to fully grasp the complexity of this circumstance or the impact that you make with good intentions.
It's also important to know that your experience of the abuser is NOT the same as the victim's experience of the abuser. Abusers are sometimes charismatic, manipulative, and are very good at keeping up a facade, hiding the abusive parts to portray the victim as crazy or lying; which often results in the loss of friendships, family members, and even custody of children- leaving the victim further isolated. This isolation is one reason why it becomes so difficult to leave.
Why do I share this with you? Because the more you know, the less you will take the statement, "She should have just left him/her" lightly. The more you will understand that isolation, danger... because when you leave you're more at risk to be physically hurt or killed, loss of confidence, loss of support system, financial stressors, and even homelessness are only some parts of why women (and men) don't "just leave." The complexity of domestic violence breaks down the victim's spirit and psychologically tears them down until they become unrecognizable. They begin to live life accommodating and fixating on pleasing the abuser in order to stay alive or safe. They're not weak, they're adapting and surviving, learning to battle the psychological and physical warfare placed upon them daily. They're exhausted and afraid, often putting on their best faces for the outside world to prevent further chaos in their homes. The leaving takes planning, support, and help- physically and mentally.
So I say this with all seriousness and awareness of the heaviness of this topic, do no harm to these victims as they are already so confused, hurt and lost. Love them, as they are, where they are in the situation. They may leave or they may not- that is a choice that they must live with and decide for themselves, but know that it is the hardest and heaviest decision for some. Be kind, always, and that will make the biggest impact, and could potentially be the boost they need to change their lives. Be aware, spread the word, it can affect anyone and no relationship type or dynamic is free of domestic violence. Talking about this can prevent cycles from continuing. Discuss boundaries and healthy relationships with your children. MODEL healthy relationships for your children. What you will allow, THEY might allow too.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, please reach out for support. Advocacy & awareness save lives.
